MUSING...about the past and other things.

Each morning when I get up I clean out my mail. Check for orders answer letters from friends. It is a way of life for me.  Some of what I read triggers memories.  Today's kids face things I never had to. I didn't have internet, video games or X rated television. I was still playing with dolls at 14. Sure I "liked" boys but it was a "sigh, he's cute" and drop it at that. I didn't text (we had no cell phones or even knew what it was). The schools had dress codes and girls could get sent home for showing too much and only the loose girls did that anyway. But I do know what it was like to be bullied. I was not  a fighter. I was shy and easily intimidated. I am still that way but I am finally as an old broad, learning to be a little more pushy.  But I didn't get national headlines for being bullied. If I killed myself HOW would I know it had an effect on the ones who picked on me?  Well dummy me, it wouldn't have. My mother would never have associated such a thing to school! I am glad I had some common sense then and got over my pity parties before I did anything dumb. And it is dumb and it is selfish to think you can hurt someone and change them by destroying yourself. Their hurt would be momentary and the ones you don't mean to hurt would feel the pain for a long time. Even back then I buried myself in books and art and yes dolls still.  I married at 18 and then played with real dolls, my own children.  I was blessed with girls so ruffles and lace (even though they wanted denim and dirt) was a way of life for many years.  Now that I am older I get to play with dolls again.  When it appears that you have no one, then look up. There is a creator who made you and HE is a friend that sticketh closer then any brother. I found that out when I was 24 and met him.  My life has never been the same. I am one of those who didn't have to wait till my time on earth was near over before I found the reason for living. HE was looking for me long before I was looking for him.